-Stop swearing
-Lose weight
-Get better grades
-Hook up with someone else besides Luckie
-Gain muscle
-Get tan

I honestly plan on sticking to all of these except swearing.
Story I’m Not Sorry :]

Happy New Years Eve Loves.

I’m in Florida bored out of my mind. Take a shot for me and yall be safe.

My resolution is to keep my resolutions for at least three months.
Sorry I’m Not Sorry :]

So Luckie ended us last night. Honestly this has been the saddest I’ve been in a long time. I feel desperate in wanting him back. I feel worthless and forever alone.

Single forever.
Sorry I’m Not Sorry :/

I know I’m late but happy thanksgiving my lovely followers!!!

Party at Purdue.

So about two weeks ago I took a trip to see my best friend from High School I’ll call him Forever. So I promised Forever I’d come see him this semester because he was moving into a house with seven other guys so I thought I’d probably like one of them and sounds like a good party!

-Warning this is long, so sadly not many will read this but it means too much to me to not write about it.

So I got into Purdue on Thursday night.

He picked me up from the airport and had over an hour ride back. Just typical conversation and catching up on our past relationships and how life is. We get to his house and none of the guys strike me as my type so I was kind of bummed. We put my stuff down and left for the bar. I was so excited because I have never drank with Forever before (I didn’t drink in High School). The special there is they have big mugs that you buy/bring to get cheaper drinks (One of Forever’s friend let me borrow one). So we start drinking. two mugs of a long island ice tea down and we go into a side where there’s a piano bar. Soooo much fun, I don’t think I have sang and laughed so much in awhile. We then went back to the dance floor to meet back up with his friends and dance some. Just casual dancing then I realized I wanted a third drink so I grabbed Forever’s hand and leaded him to the bar.

-This is where the most shocked moment of my entire life happened-

So we got our third mug: whiskey and coke. We went back to the dance floor but we didn’t see his friends so we started dancing together face-to-face. Then Forever kissed me. YES, my best friend in the entire world KISSED ME!

-Picture the most shocked face of your life-

Yeah, that was me. I just stuttered, said what, looked confused, but then smiled.

-Side Note: We have been best friends for 6 years and when we first met I had an interest in Forever but I don’t remember if he had no idea or wasn’t interested. Then I has a four year relationship and he had two girlfriends so after that small time of knowing each other, we were never single.

So yeah, I’ve always had a crush on Forever but I never did anything about it because I thought I was STRICTLY in the friend zone. Anyways, we continued to dance and kiss, yep we were that couple at the bar. haha

While dancing and me being in shock he told me:

• “Come on Megan you knew this was going to happen.” (No, I really didn’t)
• “Remember when we were in high school we always said if we were single we’d hook up.” (uhhh I kinda remember that but I thought that was in my head)
• “I would have been pissed if you hooked up with someone else on this trip.” (woah.)

So not too long after the first kiss, he said lets get out of here. The walk back was about 8 blocks away so we talked, held hands, and stopped to make out a lot.

Then we got home. It kinda fuzzy from here. We got into our night clothes although they were quickly ripped off. He was such a good kisser: probably the best I’ve had in a long time. Then yeah… I had sex with my best friend. I just couldn’t pass this oppertunity up. He means so much to me, even if I was drunk. We had sex on his twin bed and on his couch and it was good. Then we went to bed and cuddled naked.

I woke up in the morning around 8am and we were still cuddling (on a twin bed might I add) and said good morning to each other. He had his arm around me the whole morning while we were back and forth sleeping and waking up. I have never had such a big smile on my face in my entire life.

Friday night was fun but we didn’t act like anything happened. I ended up getting really drunk and falling asleep on the couch. Saturday night was a party at their place where I got shit faced. Since I didn’t know how Forever felt about Thursday night I texted him (after a couple drinks) “Is it bad if I want to kiss you again?”. He said yes because he was getting sick (which he was). Ended up I just tried to drink it away. Later in the night when we were getting ready to go to bed I brought it up again. I don’t remember much of it but he wouldn’t hook up with me. I was upset because Thursday meant a lot to me… more then any other guy I’ve ever slept with. We both got emotional over it because I knew he wanted to but he just said, ” Megan, I’m an awful person. I will treat you like shit. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t loose you. You’re my best friend.”  I walked out. I didn’t know what to do. He made me feel like a whore (which he said I was crazy for saying that cause he wanted to but still)…. I don’t like one night stands and I had one with my best friend (Yes, I have had a one night stand but only one—>now two). I cried a lot. More because I was drunk.

And that is all. We went to bed and we both said sorry about it the next morning and have not talked about it since… I left Monday morning to go back to school. It was a little awkward but not really cause I just tried to forget about it.

Oh and the picture above is from the night after the Saturday night party… Gotta love snapchat!

I’d love to talk to him about it. Even to say “I’m sorry if you regret Thursday” or   “you’re an amazing kisser” but I’m too scared to. It’s also that I don’t want to ruin anything between us … i mean we are many states away from each other anyways.

I miss him. I want him. I want to tell him everything.

Even if Thursday night meant nothing to you, it’s okay, I don’t mind. I glow when I talk about that night.

Sorry I’m Not Sorry :]

Don’t fall in love with someone that is geographically undatable.

Or leaves you lost and confused.
Sorry I’m Not Sorry :]

Even if last night meant nothing to you, I wouldn’t care. I’ve waited six years for you and I’ve never smiled like I did last night.

I got out of the friend zone.
Sorry I’m Not Sorry :]

The power of the relationship always relies in the person who cares less

This is a topic that has a big impact on my two relationships I have had in the past three years. (Ginger and Luckie). For those who don’t know the past stories: I’m completely in love with Ginger and have been for about two years now, although he just graduated college and now lives in New York. He likes me but he was looking to finish school and then think about us. (NEWS: he now talks to me about marriage after college… idk what to do.) anyways, he had the power of our relationship because he cared less. I would run around the world and back for him …literally. I’d buy him anything, come to his place at anytime of the night. AKA I was whipped and I treated him like an angel. He had the best situation. He got me whenever he wanted but he didn’t have to deal with the label and could go out and be single.  Now that Ginger is away I have been trying to not rely on what we can be and do my own thing since I’m still in school. That’s where Luckie comes in. Luckie and I have been hanging out for 6 months now and the roles are now switched. Luckie will do anything for me and I just think he’s cool and good in bed but I don’t want to date him. Therefore, for this relationship, I am in control because he cares more about me then I care for him. I’m not using him, he knows  where I stand and how I feel and he stays. But I do like him a lot. Overall it’s interesting to see that my past two semi-serious relationships(well they’re both still currently ongoing) have had a total switch in how I act toward the guy and how the guy treats me. I would like to find more of a medium. I don’t like being the one in power because I don’t want to be wearing the pants in the relationship, that’s the mans job. That’s why I love Ginger so much. Who knows?!?! That’s why I just stay single!

Who has the Power??

Ginger>Me>Luckie

Sorry I’m Not Sorry :]